Post script note...

After I posted Navy's birth story a couple days ago, I started to think about how I probably sounded pretty negative about having to have a c-section. And yes, I will admit, I did not have a good attitude about it in the weeks before her delivery and even in the moment, but since having her, I have guilt for my ungratefulness.

A few months ago, Camden was enrolled in a painting class through the city of Tempe. Parents were not allowed to leave the premises, but not invited into the class, so the moms would sit outside the classroom together and chat about motherhood, housework, homeschooling, husbands, etc... I usually sat on the other side of the room and read a book or filled in my calendar for the week. On one particular day, the topic of pregnancy arose. A certain mom, with only one child, mentioned she had a difficult time getting her little girl and had not had any success with getting pregnant since. It was obvious it was a big cross for her to bear. Then she said, "I hate it when girls complain about pregnancy, whether it be their awful morning sickness or any other not fun things that come with being pregnant. I wish they knew how lucky they were. I'd give anything to have morning sickness and water retention!"

I sat quietly and thought about my awful attitude and made a resolve to think of  my pregnancy, a healthy one at that, as a blessing. The beginning of my pregnancy was awful because of my ulcers, but my life, nor the baby's, was ever in jeopardy. There was never any danger of miscarriage or pre-term labor. There are those who are not so lucky.

In October, Jason's sister Jill delivered her baby 16 weeks early and after only 48 hours, he passed away. It was a difficult time for the family and because I was also pregnant at the time, I felt guilty for having a healthy pregnancy. When tiny baby Samson was still in the NICU, I kept worrying about the idea of being able to take Navy home when sweet Jill would not be able to do the same, since her baby would likely still be in the hospital. I worried about if he did not make it, how it would make Jill feel to see my pregnancy progress, and how she would feel when Navy finally did arrive. I look back at how much I complained about my pregnancy and wish I could have just stopped and realized how blessed I was. I am sorry for my attitude. 

I am sad so say, that the resolve I made that day during Camden's class, did not last. I complained... a lot. I should have been better about seeing the good. Navy is now a month old, and my bad attitude about the delivery has now turned to gratitude to my Heavenly Father for blessing me with a healthy, full term baby, and the knowledge that it does not, nor will it ever, matter how she came to this world...

She is here. Strong and beautiful.

Navy's here!

I am really a bum. I have not posted since July! That is both ridiculous and pathetic. You could say life has been eventful for our little family the last few months, welcoming a new baby and all. For those of you who care to know, I will share Navy bean's birth story...

So... on December 6th, I went to the gym in the morning and jumped up and down in the pool for about 45 minutes and then went home and took some castor oil. Yes, I was that desperate to get her out! Most of you know how I feel about pregnancy. It is torture for me. I absolutely hate it. There is no part of it that I enjoy. Get what I mean? So anyway, after you know, the... "effects" from the castor oil had worn off I started having what I thought were contractions. They were not regular nor painful. It was about 5 p.m. when I realized these were probably real contractions, but I didn't want to say it out loud for fear of jinxing it. So I bounced on my yoga ball hoping to intensify things and tried not to think too much about it. (Yeah right) Jason went to bed around 9:30 and I stayed up and bounced on my ball and watched Friends. I called my doctor at ten and told him my contractions were about 5 minutes apart and I'd been having them for five hours, but that they weren't too terribly painful. I could still walk and talk through them. He told me to wait an hour too see if they intensified and if they did, to go to the hospital. So I kept on bouncin'! I watched an episode of Elementary and pretty much had one hard contraction the entire 40 minutes. It was starting to hurt. So at 11:30 I woke up Jason and told him it was time to go to the hospital. Do you know long I had waited to say those words?!?! Jason was pretty surprised since he had no idea I had been having contractions. We drove Camden to my sister's and headed to the hospital.

We checked in to triage at 11:59 and when they checked me I was only 3 cm dialated, but having good strong regular contractions. They kept me in triage for an hour to see if I would progress any before they would admit me. After an hour, I was 4 cm and I was admitted. By this time, I was having horrible back labor and ordered my epidural almost the minute I got to my labor and delivery room. I don't remember what time I got my epidural, maybe around 2 or 2:30 a.m? Then I took a nap! Dr. Holmes came and checked me around 10-ish and I was only a 5. So he broke my water and in an hour, I was at an 8. Around 11:30 the nurse came in and told our Navy girl was not doing well at all and things were not looking good as far as being able to having a natural delivery. Dr. Holmes came in and told me that Navy's heart rate was dropping dangerously low AFTER my contractions, which is very concerning. He was confident that a C-section was the best option. In addition to Navy being in distress, she was not descending because my pelvis is too narrow. He said even if she was doing okay, my pelvis was not wide enough for her to fit through anyway. I was really upset. I had been so anxious the previous weeks about having a c-section because I did not want to miss the moment of her being put on my chest when she came out and being able to hold her first. I had been measuring 3-4 weeks bigger the last few months of my pregnancy and was so worried that she would be too big for me. I had Camden naturally, but I pushed for 4 hours and because my pelvis is narrow, he barely made it. After I had time to process everything, I knew I had no choice. This was the way she was going to come in the world, and there was nothing I could do about it.

After waiting for anesthesia to come talk to me, they wheeled me into the operating room and after they let Jason in the room, she was out about 3 minutes later. Hearing her cry was the best sound in the whole world. I was sad I didn't get to hold her, but happy that she was safe and healthy. After Jason went out with her, I started to feel the anesthesia up in my throat and face. I could not swallow because my throat was numb and my eyes started to feel numb. It was so uncomfortable that I guess I started to panic, so the anesthesiologist sedated me. I woke up in the recovery room, but don't remember much. It took me a couple hours to be completely coherent that I even don't really remember holding Navy for the first time.

Navy girl was born at 12:58 p.m. on December 7th and weighted 7 lbs 8 oz. Navy was born on Pearl Harbor Day which everyone, doctor and nurses included, thought that was very cool. Which it is.

It was not the delivery I would have chosen, but when anatomy isn't on your side, what can you do? I am still sad that I missed that moment of holding her first and even sad that I don't really remember holding her after I woke up, but I get to hold her all day now, so I guess it's okay.

Not thrilled about the situation. Can you tell?

Meeting my daughter for the first time. She was perfect.

First time holding her. Don't remember taking this picture. But I sure look great don't I?? 

Big brother Camden meeting baby Navy. He is still just as obsessed with her today as he was then.

First family picture. Can you believe I have two kids?!

I am still trying to adjust to these two, and trying to balance both their needs as well as my husband's. Along with laundry, dishes, housework, planning meals and grocery shopping, trying to remember to plan FHE, do my visiting teaching and responsibilities for my church calling, and finding time to shower. I am overwhelmed a lot and Camden has started the "older sibling acting out when younger sibling comes into the picture" It's been a tough week for us... we've had a few fights, and even though we always make up, it's often several times a day. {insert giant exhale here}

We are so happy to finally have Navy here and we already love her so much. And life is ALWAYS great when I am not pregnant!

Summer is almost over??

Really??

School starts in like three weeks. What the?

Anyway, we've had a lot going on in this month of July...

First, Jason and I celebrated our first anniversary.

Our wedding cake has been in the freezer. But we didn't eat it.

We aren't traditional like that.

Or maybe we were scared that it would have freezer burn and taste gross.

We went to dinner at Cibo (I HIGHLY RECOMMEND) and saw The Amazing Spiderman.

Second, my birthday.

I always make a big deal about my birthday and I don't know why.

Because after you're a stay at home mom, birthdays are pretty much like every single other day of your life.

Jason did get a half day off work and took me out to lunch and spoiled me with presents.

He knows just how to do it and it was a good day.

Third, our sealing in San Diego.

We spent 4 days in California with our families and had a wonderful experience at the temple.

We felt so blessed to have our families there with us and we are so happy to finally be sealed.

Fourth, Camden's E.R. fiasco.
ANOTHER head laceration.
MORE stitches.
We spent five hours in the emergency room, and because his cut was so deep, the PA told us she was going to have to do it in two layers. She told us there was a plastic surgeon that had been called down to the E.R. to do some other head wounds, and she would talk to him and see if he'd be willing to stay and do Camden's. He agreed to stay after his shift and stitch up Camden. When he came in to talk to us, he told us he was wanted to sedate Camden because it was safer for both him and the doctor. Jason stayed with him while he was getting the I.V., but I took a walk around so I wouldn't have to hear/see him cry. After his I.V. was in, they administered the sedation medication. When it first kicked in, Camden was talking so funny and laughing at nothing. He had the goofiest grin on his face and thought everything was hilarious. We were dying laughing and it was a good comic relief. Once he was asleep, they sent us out while the doctor stitched him up. After about 15 minutes we were able to go back in. Once he started to wake up the nurse brought him a popsicle and because Camden was still loopy, he was seeing double. Most of the time, Camden would bring the popsicle to his cheek and lick the air. I had to help him find his mouth most of the time. By the time we got discharged it was midnight and Camden was asleep before we got to the car. After a week of antibiotics, neosporin and batman bandaids, it is starting to heal and hopefully won't scar too bad.

Fifth, Jason's birthday is tomorrow.
We are headed to Vegas to see the Phantom of the Opera at The Venetian.
We are staying at a fancy hotel, which shall remain nameless, because it's still a surprise to Jason.
It will be nice to get away with just the two of us. A nice babymoon before miss Navy makes her arrival.

Speaking of Navy bean, she is kicking like crazy now, and is healthy and strong.
Me on the other hand, not so much.
I'm still seeing a gastroenterologist every other week and am on three different medications.
My Dr. thinks it's almost for sure ulcers, but she is still not sure if they're in my stomach or my gallbladder.
We are hoping they are in my stomach because the medications I'm on should heal them within a few months and my symptoms will go away. If they're in my gallbladder, then as soon as the baby's born, while I'm still in the hospital actually, they would do the necessary tests and then most likely I'd have to get my gallbladder taken out. I do not want to have to recover from labor AND surgery, AND try to nurse through all of that. We are praying that the medications will do their job and heal whatever's going on. Even though the medications are helping MOST of the time, there are days when I'm still sick. The other day, I deep cleaned my house, and was on my hands and knees scrubbing baseboards and floors for a few hours. The next day I was SO sick I could hardly function. It was back to the fetal position and the moaning. Remember the moaning?? I am going to have to learn to take it super easy this pregnancy, which is hard sometimes because I start feeling like such a bum. I do not enjoy being pregnant at all, and this time around I'm even more ready to be done.... I am so jealous of the women who love being pregnant. I wish I could be you.

Okay, I digress and since I won't be home to blog about my husband on his birthday, I'll do it now.
I can't even put into words how grateful I am for Jason. He brought me back to life. And there are so many things I love and appreciate about him. I never imagined I would fall in love so quickly after my divorce - but I think it's because, in a lot of ways, I loved him already. Maybe the romantic love came later, but I already loved the person and friend he was.

This is the night he opened his mission call.

This is a picture of the visor in my car in 2006 or 2007. Jason sent me the picture on the left on his mission. I sent him this picture of my visor. A while ago, we went through the letters and pictures I'd sent him on his mission, and he still had this one. :)

Senior Year

Jason has been one of my best friends since we were 16 and I know we will continue to be best friends for the next 60 years.

We talk, we laugh, we play and that is something I love most about us. We never run out of things to talk about and we can make each other laugh.

His sense of humor is one of his greatest qualities and one of the biggest things that made me want to be his friend 10 years ago.

He is righteous. He is good and true and worthy. He is a great priesthood leader in our home and he will be a great influence and example to our children.

He is kind. He is selfless and considerate. He always looks for ways to make me and Camden happy and looks for ways to serve us.

He is consistent. He is almost always in a good mood and is mostly easy going.
He is smart. Not only is he planning on going to medical school, he is getting good grades along the way.

He is responsible. He gets things done that are important. He is so reliable!

He is positive. He hardly ever complains. He takes what he is given and makes the best of it.

He is accepting. He is not judgemental and can be friends with just about anyone. He can see the good in others - and he sees the good in me. He chooses to see past my flaws. He accepts me for me. 

He is a great dad. He had to jump head first into a step dad role and I know it hasn't been an easy transition. He has taken it in great stride and I know Camden loves and respects him. He treats Camden lovingly and fairly and he is such a fun dad!

He is a great son, brother and uncle. I love being with his family. They complete such a big part of my life and I am grateful to feel like a part of it.

He is a hard worker. He is not lazy. He works hard at work, he works hard at school, he works hard at home, and he works at his relationships. He serves, he communicates, and he meets our needs. He understands the meaning of sacrifice. He sacrifices time away from our family to work and provide for us. He also sacrifices that time by being at school, getting an education to make our lives better. He sacrifices his relaxation time to play with Camden or help around the house. He sacrifices his wants for things the family needs. 

He is trustworthy. An important quality in my eyes and one I really really appreciate about him.

There are so many other things that I love about him, but these are the qualities I love and appreciate the most. These are also the things that made me so sure I could be happy with him for the rest of my life.

Happy Birthday to the best thing that has ever happened to me. You are my soul mate and I love you so much.

Thoughts

I started writing this post thinking I had something clever to say, and after a couple paragraphs, I had forgotten where I was going with it and it didn't seem to make any sense. Plus, it may have been offensive. So I guess I'll start over and maybe just stick with updates. Boring?

Sorry.

The fetus is the size of a lemon now. According to my weekly email update anyway.

If you saw my belly, you would disagree.

A cantalope maybe?

Last week, we had an adventurous visit to the Banner Gateway E.R.

My stomach pain was getting worse and I hadn't kept food or water down for more than 48 hours.

After blood tests and an ultrasound, everything looked fine.

They gave me pain medication through an i.v., which was pretty much the greatest thing I have ever felt. I finally know what it's like to be high. Trust me, I won't go looking for intravenous drugs, but it was pretty fantastic, and I can see why people do. Poor Jason. He didn't get any.
They let me rest for a while and then sent me home. When they told me I was being discharged, I cried. I FINALLY had some relief and I knew I was going home just to continue to feel miserable. I wanted to stay there. At least until I stopped throwing up.

On the way out of the hospital I was still throwing up the ice chips I had been eating, but they told me there was nothing else they could do and I needed to go see a gastroenterologist the next day.

So I did.

I still hadn't kept any food or water down, and it was going on 3 days. I was tired. And hungry. And weak. And frustrated because I was STILL sick. I had lost 4 pounds in three days.

It felt like the worst case of food poisoning ever and I did not want to go one more day like that.

As the doctor asked me to describe my symptoms, I totally broke down. I was a sobbing mess.

Which has become a common sight around here. Poor Jason.

My OB and the E.R. doctor had told me it was just severe acid reflux, but after talking to the G.I. doc, she assured me that this was definitely not acid reflux.

Because there is a person growing in my uterus, the normal tests they would do in my case, they can't.

They can't put me to sleep and put a scope down my throat.

And I can't drink radioactive juice and get pictures taken of my insides.

So... it's trial and error until my symptoms are gone or until the baby is out when they can go ahead with the tests.

Ummm... what?

Am I delirious because I haven't eaten in three days or did you just say until the baby is born?

I cried again.

She assured me she was going to help me and get me out of this misery.

She said she thought it could be ulcers on my galbladder.

So she gave me some medicine for that and some medicine for the vomiting.

Which worked. During the day.

But I was still sick at night. Lying in the fetal position on the bathroom floor, moaning in pain and throwing up. Poor Jason. He really hates the moaning.

I went back to the G.I. doctor this week.

She gave me some medicine for evening and told me to come back in a week.

I may have to be seeing her as regularly as my OB the next 6 months and then maybe a lot after that.

But the medicines are working, and I am finally out of pain. Still a little sick at night, but not fetal position, moaning sick, so I am grateful. And so is Jason. Especially for the moaning.

Let's focus on the positive now shall we?

Here are some life is good reminders:

1.  We find out what we are having on the 30th.

We have taken bets.

I think it's a boy.
Jason thinks it's a girl.

If I win and it IS a boy, he has to take me to a ballet. Poor Jason.

If he wins and it's a girl, we still don't know because he's still thinking about it.

2. Our sealing is fast approaching. It's about dang time!

3. I legally changed my name. Yes, I waited eleven months. Poor Jason.  I guess my wagon is officially hitched to his. Again, it's about dang time.

4. My birthday is in 18 days, and as most of you know, after Christmas, it's my favorite day of the year.

Four happy notes.

That's what I shall leave you with today.
And one super cute picture of Camden.

You are welcome.

Dear Fetus, Cut Me Some Slack Here!

This pregnancy is kicking my butt.

I am so sick and throwing up everyday.

Camden has pretty much been left to fend for himself most days, and as for the house, well... let's not talk about that.

I am ten weeks pregnant now, and hoping I start to feel better in the next few weeks. I am feeling totally miserable and sometimes can't remember why I willingly did this to myself again.

I was sick when I was pregnant with Camden, but this time it is very different. I am not nauseas really, it feels more like I have the flu. My stomach is always just so upset. And this time around, it is so unpredictable. With my first, I was nauseas all day everyday, and then it would get really bad at night. This time, I have days where it's not so bad-I feel like I can actually get out of the house and run errands and get things done. Then on other days, I can hardly get out of bed or off the bathroom floor and I'm throwing up every thirty minutes. I used to think there was some sort of pattern and I had figured it out, but that was only true for like ten days and then it changed again. So now I'm clueless again. I have Zofran - sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. I try to eat - sometimes it helps, most of the time it doesn't. I have lost a couple pounds already. Plus, I am feeling so weak. So weak, that I have to sit down while I shower, and probably another reason why the housework doesn't get done. On days when I actually feel well enough to get out of bed, I have absolutely no energy to do anything. Changing the laundry from the washer to the dryer is exhausting. Is the first trimester over yet???

I am so lucky that Camden is such a good boy. I can leave him to entertain himself and I don't have to worry about him doing things he shouldn't be. He is so great at playing by himself - although, he has watched A LOT of t.v. the last five weeks. But... he is alive, and that's all I can promise these days.

I had my first doctor's appointment three weeks ago. I had been trying to decide what doctor I wanted to use, but after having my appt with Dr. Holmes, I think I'm going to stick with him. I really liked him. He did an ultrasound to confirm the pregnancy and heartbeat and everything looked great.

Jason is finished with school for the semester (yay!) and Camden has his last day of school on Thursday. We have a fun summer ahead, so I hope this sickness goes away before all the fun happens!



Finding Out

http://youtu.be/mFdA7RDjXj8

The plan was to have Camden wearing his "Big Brother" t-shirt when Jason came home from work. I wanted to get it on film, but Camden wouldn't come out of the bedroom and was being a stinker. So to entice him a little I told him he could take Jason the present. That sounded fun, so Camden took Jason the bag with the pregnancy test inside.

As you can see by Jason's reaction, he had no idea it was coming. I took the test in the morning after Jason had already gone to work. I wanted to wait and tell him in person so I could see his reaction, but I called my mom and sister to tell them the news. To be honest, even I was shocked it was positive. I wasn't late yet and didn't think the test could detect it so early. I had some pretty sharp and intense pelvic pains the night before and I was getting worried that I may have a tubal pregnancy. I decided I would test the next morning just to make sure. I had already told Jason I wasn't going to test until I was 10-14 days late, so he thought it was still a few weeks away.

After I told my sister, she text her husband to tell him the news and then he text Jason congratulating him. TOTALLY RUINING MY SURPRISE!! My sister and I thought fast and came up with a way out of it, saying she meant her friend Stacy was pregnant, and her husband just got confused. Whew. Crisis averted! Later, Jason told me he didn't even believe it when he got the congratulatory text thinking that somehow a rumor in the family had started and it was going around. (Hey! My family can doesn't gossip!)

Jason didn't even notice Camden's shirt so I guess it's a good thing that I gave him the test as well. We are so excited!

Camden has big plans...

...for when Daddy Jason "be's a doctor"

Let's see...

On his list of things he thinks Dr. J will buy him are:

A quad

A Rhino

An Spongebob popcicle from the ice cream truck

A football

A light up toy from Circle K.

A big racecar. No. Not a toy. A real one. Probably one that looks like Lightning McQueen

A monster truck. No. Not a toy. A real one. The Grave Digger to be exact.

An airplane. Again, not a toy. 

And this is because whenever he asks for something I say, "Ok, maybe when Jason's a doctor."

Good ol' Daddy Jason.

We are so lucky.

Even if he'll never be able to buy us an airplane.