Hello? Are you there?

Who me?

Oh you mean, because I haven't posted since July??

Well, yes. I'm here.

Alive and well. 

It seems that if you don't use your blog as a business, social media takes care of all the 

"life updates"

I don't even really remember why I have this blog.

So, I guess for the 5 readers out there that like to see what's happening in my life on Instagram, Facebook AND my blog,

this post is for you my friends.

You. are. welcome.

So... let's start in August shall we?

We decided to take advantage of the cool mountain weather and get out the swealtering valley heat, so we headed up to the Graham mountains to do some campin!

We had found a perfect spot which ended up being reserved for someone else and we were forced to move. I was not happy about it, but it turned out to be an okay spot in the end. It rained on us a few times, which made for muddy children, muddy tents and muddy trailers, but when then again, camping will do that.

Next to the campground was this big open meadow. 

I, of course, had to take advantage and get some pictures. 

My family hates that.

(Yes, Jason included)

Maybe Navy will grow to love it and always be happy and willing to pose for me.

Right now, we have to bribe her with keys or something (see below)

Okay, meadow pictures done. You can go play now!

  

On our last day, we went to find the lava caves? Or maybe it was the wind caves?

I can't remember.

That's what happens when you don't blog in almost 4 months.

It was a great weekend with my mom's family and it was great to get home and shower as well.

Okay, moving on.

Next, my big 4 year old started preschool.

He has been in preschool for a year already, but now he goes 4 days a week for 3 hours a day. 

He loves it so far.

Okay, are we on to September now?

At the end of the month we went up to an orchard about an hour from my parents house to pick apples. 

Delicious.

We also, drum roll please.....

.........................

MOVED INTO OUR NEW HOUSE!!

Finally!

It was a great day to at last be in our own home again.

Aaaaah.

I'm sure Jason's parents were jumping for joy too!

We have been in a little over a month now and I LOVE IT!

I love the neighborhood especially.

Camden has made so many  new friends and so have I.

It is so awesome. 

Wanna move out here too?

I promise you'll love it!

Think about it?

October it is then...

Our first October adventure,

the pumpkin patch.

Jason was at school, so he missed out that day.

Story of our life. 

(For the next 7 years)

YAY med school!

Moving on...

The kids each picked out a pumpkin, 

Camden picked Jasons. 

Navy had a hard time deciding, they all looked too fun.

Pumpkin carving!

Yay! Jason's home!

 Jason was too busy helping Camden carve his pumpkin, that he didn't get to carve his.

Homework and dinner were more important.

Story of his life.

HALLOWEEN!

I wanted to get some pictures of the kids' in their costumes in the good light, but Camden wouldn't come outside, so Navy flew solo. That is why there are so many pictures of her.

It's not that I choose favorites.

But, I do have to say, she probably is the cutest mermaid I've ever seen. 

And look at those shells! They are natural if you're wondering.

Heading out to trick or treat.

There's Camden!

My studly football player!

Go sparkys!

These last four are just because I think they are so cute. 

I can't make any promises, but I'll try to post again soon. 

If not, 

Then I guess I'll see you in February!

Happy November!

Believing It

Remember last post when I wanted 4:30 Camden?

Remember when I wanted tantrums?

{Insert sigh here}

Honestly.

Camden and I have been at odds lately.

Since he got home basically.

His life has changed a lot in the last couple of months.

He's adjusting.

(At least, that's what I keep telling myself)

We moved into Jason's parents' house.

His toys are packed.

He has 6 parents here instead of just 2.

His dad got married and moved to a new house.

Then his dad's wife moved out.

That's a lot of adjustments for a four year old.

It would be a lot of adjustment for an adult!

I have been having some serious inner conflict trying to understand how to handle all of this patiently and sympathetically without letting him get away with things he shouldn't,

how to apply the appropriate amount of punishment,

how to get him out of this funk he's in,

how to get my happy Camden back.

I'm sure things like this take time, but we are in for more big adjustments just around the corner.

He starts a new school next week.

We will be moving in a couple of months

His dad is moving again (and who knows what kind of surprises are in store in the future with him!)

I try, I really do.

I try to be patient and talk kindly. 

I try to give him choices, I try to spend time with him.

Nothing seems to be helping and I was on the verge of tears after one very long day last week. and called Jason to tell him Navy is our last and final child. I would NOT be doing this stage of life 3,4,5 more times.

It's exhausting and by 2:30, I just want to give up. And cry.

Navy is teething and is up ALL night.

This is,of course, also exhausting.

I do not remember this stage with Camden.

He woke up one morning with two little teeth. That was it.

No crying. No fevers. No runny noses. No 40 minute naps or 3 hour crying sessions at 1 a.m.

{Insert sigh here}

I know what you're thinking...

"Okay Johnny Raincloud!"

or

"Geez Debbie Downer"

or maybe

"First.World.Problems"

And you would be right.

I'm sure the blogging world does not want to hear about how naughty my 4 year old is.

Or how I'm so tired because my 8 month old is fussy.

Or that I'm breaking out and I hate my haircut.

(Oh did I not mention that?)

But doesn't it seem like others in blog and especially pinterest-land have it so together?

Now, I am sure they do not. 

I'm sure they have naughty toddlers and restless babies.

I'm sure they get zits and have bad hair days.

But of course, we only see the best of things on pinterest.

We compare the worst of us to the best of "them"

"THEM"

We don't even know these women and yet we let their achievements and talents dictate how we view ourselves.

Do you think our moms had this kind of pressure when they were raising us?

I don't think so. 

Because there were no blogs.

There was no facebook.

No pinterest.

These days, we feel so much pressure to be "super moms"

To run marathons and do crossfit.

To be a photographer.

To make our own organic baby food.

To plan elaborate birthday parties with handmade favors and decorations.

To be fashionable.

To plan daily learning activities for our children.

To home school our children.

To sew our daughter's dresses and our son's bow ties.

To prepare freezer meals once a week.

To make our house look Pottery Barn catalog worthy.

To keep our house clean all the time.

Honestly. It's exhausting. {insert sigh here}

And unfair because there are probably only a handful of women that do ALL these things. 

But when we don't do them, we feel like a failure as a wife and mother.

 And don't these comparisons usually seem to happen on days/weeks/months when we are feeling particularly low in self esteem? 

You start thinking one negative thing about yourself,

something you didn't do,

how you look,

how much you weigh,

how you lost your patience,

and then it just snowballs.

One negative thought leads to another that leads to another and you end up feeling worse.

I have struggled with that the past couple weeks.

I feel inadequate.

This morning I made a promise to myself to stop those negative thoughts today.

To replace a negative thought or feeling with a positive one.

To remember a blessing from my Heavenly Father.

I prayed that I would see myself the way He sees me.

I prayed that He would help me remember my divine potential.

His purpose for me.

There are so many things I wish I was.

Things I wish I did.

I wish I was noteworthy.

But I am trying to remember what I bring to the table.

Why am I important to His plan?

I know I am of worth but sometimes I just need help believing it.

King of Wishful Thinking

The diary of the DeWitt's is a bit boring it seems. 

My apologies. 

Nothing really exciting happens to us I guess. And I'm not one of those people that can conjure up a little wit and make something out of nothing. 

Motherhood can be funny sure, but mostly, it's like groundhog day. 

Wake up at the same time, feed your kids the same cereal, do the same chores, say the same disciplinary phrases, make the same amount of bottles. 

And sure, marriage is fun. 

Jason sometimes makes me laugh so hard my stomach hurts. But then again, I think we're the only ones that think our jokes are funny. 

{At least we make each other laugh}

 If I could somehow transform my every day life into worth while reading, I certainly would, you betcha. If I could take amazing photographs of my everyday life, I certainly would.

But alas, I am no writer. And I am no photographer. 

What I CAN do, is give you updates!

Don't seem so excited...

Our house has sold! What a ginormous blessing!

The buyers want a June 28th close date, so it looks like we'll be saying goodbye to our first home in just a couple weeks. 

Will it be sad?

Yes. But only a little.

Our new home is still under construction and as of yesterday, the concrete has been poured!

They are still estimating that it will be done in September as long as the weather cooperates.

Camden will be gone for 10 DAYS! My heart will be a little broken until he is home again safe and sound. The night before he left, I had a nervous breakdown.

I cried. 

I tried to seek comfort from my sleeping husband, but a kiss on the forehead was all he could muster up at such a late hour. 

So I went and got in bed with Camden. I held his hand and quietly cried. I didn't want him to go.

Ten days is too long. 

I was overcome with anxiety thinking about everything that could go wrong. 

And then, with a giant exhale, he rolled over and put his arm over me, still asleep, but somehow knowing I was there. 

He's my soulmate. 

It's been so quiet here without him. And I don't mean that in a good way.

No one to run circles around Navy while shouting nonsense.

No one to jump off the couch making superhero sounds.

No one to ask, "Mom, will you play with me?"

I don't like the quiet.

I want tantrums, and time outs, and laughter and words of affirmation to his sister.

I want the silliness. 

I want 4:30 Camden. 

I want groundhog day!

What will I do this week?!

It is already so B O R I N G and it has only been 24 hours.

Yes, I know, I should be grateful for a quiet house and loads of free time,

but I'm not. 

(Anxiety remember?)

I blame my mother. 

She is quite the worrier,

And has instilled this quality in me. 

Thanks mom!

It's true, that I have a whole house to pack and I SHOULD take advantage of doing so 'preschooler free'. And I probably will by day 6 or 7 when the boredom has driven me bonkers. 

Oh, and if you're going to suggest that I go shopping to pass the time, don't. 

I am on a strict shopping diet these days. 

(New house remember?)

Moving on!

 This little lovie is six months old now. 

I feel like she was just a fetus!

A little starfish in my uterus, and now she's here,

and sitting up all by herself.

 She is always full of smiles, especially for mommy.

Which breaks Daddy's heart a little. 

If this girl plays her cards right, all she'll have to do is show a little favoritism toward Mom, and Daddy will give her whatever she wants. 

She's been doing this with her Papa since she was 3 months old. 

Don't worry, I'll have her on a balance beam in no time! 

Do they make leotards for babies?

 June 5th marked the two year anniversary of our engagement.

To celebrate, we drove to the place where the magic happened.

Two years ago, we drove to this spot. 

We parked under this tree.

We listened to music and looked at the stars.

We slow danced. 

We talked about how we could see the Gila Valley temple in the distance.

We talked about how we had picked a perfect location to call our "spot"

We talked about our past "spots" with past people 

They will never be as magic as this one we agreed

And we were right.

Because this is the place where he put a ring on it.

 We tried to estimate the exact spot and thought this was pretty close.

Can you feel the love?!

So anyway, if any of you wishes to alleviate my boredom next week, 

please, feel free to come over. Or invite me to lunch.

9 days and counting!

     We have been getting ready to list our house this week. Cleaning out closets and de-cluttering. During such de-cluttering, I came across my old journal. Yikes. I opened it and only read about one paragraph before I started to cry. It makes me so sad to think I ever felt the way I did. I filled this journal, cover to cover, full of pain and sadness and hopelessness. I know most of you have probably heard me say this many times, so you;re probably sick of my divorce sob story, but it is good for me to go back and remember this. It makes me realize how strong I really was. How close to the Lord I really was. Even though it didn't feel that way in the moment.

    I was going to write down some things, some words and phrases that really stuck out to me, but then I felt like I was being a Jonny Raincloud. So I will skip to the end. 

   After reading most of my journal, and completely ignoring my chore-list, I turned to the end, curious to see how my painful journey closed. 

    My heart was happy when I saw it ended with Jason. Of course it did. Because he is my happy ending. Or my happy beginning I guess I should say. My last sentence, the final chapter of my two and half year emotional hell?
 "I was so happy. I couldn't believe he said it, but at the same time, I totally think this could really happen for us. Life is great again!"

And life continues to be great.

And you might be sick of me blogging about how lucky I feel to have him, but when I realize

how dark and deep my wounds were a few years ago, when I remember feeling completely buried by them, I remember the blessing he is. The answer to a 3 year plea with my Heavenly Father. Reading the raw emotions of my broken heart helps me count my many blessings.

      The scare we had with my sister, when we thought there was a chance we could lose her, made me think about my brother in law and what he would do without her. I don't think he would be able to come back from something like that. It made me think about Jason. What I would do without him. I thought about how I would never find someone that could be my best friend the way he is. No one I could talk with the way we talk. 

No one that would play and laugh the way we do:

Last night, we found a pee-pee diaper under our bed. Right in the middle, so neither of us could reach it. Jason's solution? I would slide under the bed and get it. When I assured him I would not fit under the bed, he grabbed me and lay me down on the hard wood floor next to the bed to show that I, indeed, could fit! I rarely... okay never, sweep under the bed so the floor is covered with dust bunnies. I knew I could fit, I just didn't want to get dirty. I tried to act as big as I could, straining to fit under the bed, pretending it was going to be impossible. We laughed as he rolled me over to my back, grabbed me by the ankles and proceeded to try and slide me under the bed. I protested a little, but then figured I was going to have to be the one to retrieve this diaper, so I may as well have Jason do all the work. After sliding me under, he slid me side to side to take care of the above mentioned bunnies of dust. At least I didn't have to sweep?

This is what we do. We play. We laugh. We have fun sliding each other on the floor to clean under our bed. This is my life and I wouldn't want it any other way. 

"Always be yourself. Unless you can be a superhero, then be a superhero."

Breast Pumps, Dairy and The Inspiration

Last year, we bought a 5 day cruise on DealChicken. It included a 2 night hotel stay before and after the cruise. We decided on a Mexican Riviera cruise, so we could drive. We drove to Long Beach early Monday morning and got to the ship, the Carnival Inspiration, around 3 pm. I was so excited to get in my beach clothes and lay out! The weather had different plans. It. was. freezing.

Our room was probably 70 degrees and it was a balmy 72 outside, and not to mention super windy.

I wore a jacket pretty much all week! There was one nice day when I got to lay out and get some sun, but I was pretty much an icicle for 5 days. Such a bummer...

Waiting for the boat to disembark

Our first port of call was Catalina Island, CA. After breakfast, we took a tender over to the island. We walked around the whole town in about an hour. Such a cute and quaint little place. It was cloudy and cold in the morning, but finally warmed up in the afternoon. So we rushed back to the boat to take advantage!

Our next port of call was Ensenada, Mexico. We took a taxi to the blowhole and little shops. I've been to Rocky Point probably 100 times in my life and every time I go, the shops have the same exact stuff. Same story here. We did buy Camden a spiderman mask+cape. We bought some ridiculous churros and ate some tacos before heading back to the boat. 

Our taxi driver spoke zero english, but did have a nifty DVD player in his van. Any guesses what he was playing? Music videos of classic rock songs from the 70's. It was an hour drive one way, so it was nice not to have to listen to mariachi music. You know how much I love mariachi music. (Woulda made me feel right at home I'm sure!) We listened to the Eagles, Mamas and Papas, Steve Miller Band, KC & The Sunshine Band, Journey and Earth Wind and Fire. Jason was impressed that I knew every word to every song, but what can I say? I grew up on this music!

Because I am still nursing, I had to pump on the cruise. Which was not fun. BUT, for the first time in almost 5 months I was able to have dairy! I had so much milk and ice cream in 4 days! We had to plan our days around "pumping times", or as it's called for Jason, "nap times". It actually always worked out perfectly, so it wasn't as annoying as I expected it to be. 

We were so look forward to sleeping in this trip, and I don't think we slept past 8 the entire trip... Ah, the life of parenthood. Although, 8 o'clock felt really good! We also went to bed early all but 1 night. Pretty pathetic I know, but we value our sleep around here. Well I do anyway. 

It was such a fun week with just the two of us. We missed the kids like crazy, but it was a nice relaxing getaway. 

Last week I started watching Grey's Anatomy on Netflix and now I can't stop. I've watched 20 episodes already.

Okay 40.

Alright a season and a half.

Two seasons.

THREE BIG FAT SEASONS IN SEVEN DAYS!

I can't stop it people!

Jason's into it too, so I don't feel so guilty. Remember the sleep that I value so much? Yeah, haven't gotten a lot it the last week. I'll hit my wall eventually. 

I also got to do a maternity shoot this week for one of my friends from gymnastics. It was my first time ever doing one, so it was really fun. Such a cute little baby bump. 

Navy is 5 months old today. I can't believe 5 whole months have gone by already! It's going too fast!

Well I think that catches you up to everything! Camden is down for a nap, so you know what that means. McDreamy here I come!

Never Let Go

I love General Conference. I think my heart grew 3 sizes.

It was so refreshing and exactly what I needed. It was what I needed, but didn't know I needed. I didn't feel like I was in a bad place or anything, there wasn't anything specific I was especially struggling with. It was just a boost to my soul and to my spirit. After conference was over, my heart felt like it was going to burst. I was so full of love and gratitude. I loved Jason more, I loved Camden more and I loved Navy more. I just wanted to be near them. I wanted to hug them and never let go. I could not get close enough. In my heart, I kept saying to Heavenly Father how grateful I was for my life, for the husband and the children He has given me. I felt so blessed, so lucky. I woke up this morning, and I was happy. I was happy to be mother and a wife. Happy to fulfill the responsibilities that go along with that. And then I made it a goal to do what I needed to do to keep this happiness, this heart full of gratitude. I want to always feel this way. 

Since I haven't posted in a while, I thought I'd share some pictures from the last couple months. 

February:

Navy 2 months {Feb 7}

We are putting grass in our front yard to get it ready to sell. We all helped shovel rock and dig up old tree stumps. It's still a work in progress.

March:

Navy 3 months {March 7}

Camden finally got a REAL bike. I had been feeling guilty because he was 4 and still riding a tricycle. We went to the store and had a really hard time getting him to pick one. He got on a few and rode them around the aisles. Of course, they put the bikes near the toys, so he was quite distracted by items on the shelves and crashed into the big $5 movie bins, into the other bikes, and even into some people. He finally chose this one, along with a Transformers helmet.

Easter

Happy Monday! Hope your week is totes awesome.