King of Wishful Thinking

The diary of the DeWitt's is a bit boring it seems. 

My apologies. 

Nothing really exciting happens to us I guess. And I'm not one of those people that can conjure up a little wit and make something out of nothing. 

Motherhood can be funny sure, but mostly, it's like groundhog day. 

Wake up at the same time, feed your kids the same cereal, do the same chores, say the same disciplinary phrases, make the same amount of bottles. 

And sure, marriage is fun. 

Jason sometimes makes me laugh so hard my stomach hurts. But then again, I think we're the only ones that think our jokes are funny. 

{At least we make each other laugh}

 If I could somehow transform my every day life into worth while reading, I certainly would, you betcha. If I could take amazing photographs of my everyday life, I certainly would.

But alas, I am no writer. And I am no photographer. 

What I CAN do, is give you updates!

Don't seem so excited...

Our house has sold! What a ginormous blessing!

The buyers want a June 28th close date, so it looks like we'll be saying goodbye to our first home in just a couple weeks. 

Will it be sad?

Yes. But only a little.

Our new home is still under construction and as of yesterday, the concrete has been poured!

They are still estimating that it will be done in September as long as the weather cooperates.

Camden will be gone for 10 DAYS! My heart will be a little broken until he is home again safe and sound. The night before he left, I had a nervous breakdown.

I cried. 

I tried to seek comfort from my sleeping husband, but a kiss on the forehead was all he could muster up at such a late hour. 

So I went and got in bed with Camden. I held his hand and quietly cried. I didn't want him to go.

Ten days is too long. 

I was overcome with anxiety thinking about everything that could go wrong. 

And then, with a giant exhale, he rolled over and put his arm over me, still asleep, but somehow knowing I was there. 

He's my soulmate. 

It's been so quiet here without him. And I don't mean that in a good way.

No one to run circles around Navy while shouting nonsense.

No one to jump off the couch making superhero sounds.

No one to ask, "Mom, will you play with me?"

I don't like the quiet.

I want tantrums, and time outs, and laughter and words of affirmation to his sister.

I want the silliness. 

I want 4:30 Camden. 

I want groundhog day!

What will I do this week?!

It is already so B O R I N G and it has only been 24 hours.

Yes, I know, I should be grateful for a quiet house and loads of free time,

but I'm not. 

(Anxiety remember?)

I blame my mother. 

She is quite the worrier,

And has instilled this quality in me. 

Thanks mom!

It's true, that I have a whole house to pack and I SHOULD take advantage of doing so 'preschooler free'. And I probably will by day 6 or 7 when the boredom has driven me bonkers. 

Oh, and if you're going to suggest that I go shopping to pass the time, don't. 

I am on a strict shopping diet these days. 

(New house remember?)

Moving on!

 This little lovie is six months old now. 

I feel like she was just a fetus!

A little starfish in my uterus, and now she's here,

and sitting up all by herself.

 She is always full of smiles, especially for mommy.

Which breaks Daddy's heart a little. 

If this girl plays her cards right, all she'll have to do is show a little favoritism toward Mom, and Daddy will give her whatever she wants. 

She's been doing this with her Papa since she was 3 months old. 

Don't worry, I'll have her on a balance beam in no time! 

Do they make leotards for babies?

 June 5th marked the two year anniversary of our engagement.

To celebrate, we drove to the place where the magic happened.

Two years ago, we drove to this spot. 

We parked under this tree.

We listened to music and looked at the stars.

We slow danced. 

We talked about how we could see the Gila Valley temple in the distance.

We talked about how we had picked a perfect location to call our "spot"

We talked about our past "spots" with past people 

They will never be as magic as this one we agreed

And we were right.

Because this is the place where he put a ring on it.

 We tried to estimate the exact spot and thought this was pretty close.

Can you feel the love?!

So anyway, if any of you wishes to alleviate my boredom next week, 

please, feel free to come over. Or invite me to lunch.

9 days and counting!

     We have been getting ready to list our house this week. Cleaning out closets and de-cluttering. During such de-cluttering, I came across my old journal. Yikes. I opened it and only read about one paragraph before I started to cry. It makes me so sad to think I ever felt the way I did. I filled this journal, cover to cover, full of pain and sadness and hopelessness. I know most of you have probably heard me say this many times, so you;re probably sick of my divorce sob story, but it is good for me to go back and remember this. It makes me realize how strong I really was. How close to the Lord I really was. Even though it didn't feel that way in the moment.

    I was going to write down some things, some words and phrases that really stuck out to me, but then I felt like I was being a Jonny Raincloud. So I will skip to the end. 

   After reading most of my journal, and completely ignoring my chore-list, I turned to the end, curious to see how my painful journey closed. 

    My heart was happy when I saw it ended with Jason. Of course it did. Because he is my happy ending. Or my happy beginning I guess I should say. My last sentence, the final chapter of my two and half year emotional hell?
 "I was so happy. I couldn't believe he said it, but at the same time, I totally think this could really happen for us. Life is great again!"

And life continues to be great.

And you might be sick of me blogging about how lucky I feel to have him, but when I realize

how dark and deep my wounds were a few years ago, when I remember feeling completely buried by them, I remember the blessing he is. The answer to a 3 year plea with my Heavenly Father. Reading the raw emotions of my broken heart helps me count my many blessings.

      The scare we had with my sister, when we thought there was a chance we could lose her, made me think about my brother in law and what he would do without her. I don't think he would be able to come back from something like that. It made me think about Jason. What I would do without him. I thought about how I would never find someone that could be my best friend the way he is. No one I could talk with the way we talk. 

No one that would play and laugh the way we do:

Last night, we found a pee-pee diaper under our bed. Right in the middle, so neither of us could reach it. Jason's solution? I would slide under the bed and get it. When I assured him I would not fit under the bed, he grabbed me and lay me down on the hard wood floor next to the bed to show that I, indeed, could fit! I rarely... okay never, sweep under the bed so the floor is covered with dust bunnies. I knew I could fit, I just didn't want to get dirty. I tried to act as big as I could, straining to fit under the bed, pretending it was going to be impossible. We laughed as he rolled me over to my back, grabbed me by the ankles and proceeded to try and slide me under the bed. I protested a little, but then figured I was going to have to be the one to retrieve this diaper, so I may as well have Jason do all the work. After sliding me under, he slid me side to side to take care of the above mentioned bunnies of dust. At least I didn't have to sweep?

This is what we do. We play. We laugh. We have fun sliding each other on the floor to clean under our bed. This is my life and I wouldn't want it any other way. 

"Always be yourself. Unless you can be a superhero, then be a superhero."

Breast Pumps, Dairy and The Inspiration

Last year, we bought a 5 day cruise on DealChicken. It included a 2 night hotel stay before and after the cruise. We decided on a Mexican Riviera cruise, so we could drive. We drove to Long Beach early Monday morning and got to the ship, the Carnival Inspiration, around 3 pm. I was so excited to get in my beach clothes and lay out! The weather had different plans. It. was. freezing.

Our room was probably 70 degrees and it was a balmy 72 outside, and not to mention super windy.

I wore a jacket pretty much all week! There was one nice day when I got to lay out and get some sun, but I was pretty much an icicle for 5 days. Such a bummer...

Waiting for the boat to disembark

Our first port of call was Catalina Island, CA. After breakfast, we took a tender over to the island. We walked around the whole town in about an hour. Such a cute and quaint little place. It was cloudy and cold in the morning, but finally warmed up in the afternoon. So we rushed back to the boat to take advantage!

Our next port of call was Ensenada, Mexico. We took a taxi to the blowhole and little shops. I've been to Rocky Point probably 100 times in my life and every time I go, the shops have the same exact stuff. Same story here. We did buy Camden a spiderman mask+cape. We bought some ridiculous churros and ate some tacos before heading back to the boat. 

Our taxi driver spoke zero english, but did have a nifty DVD player in his van. Any guesses what he was playing? Music videos of classic rock songs from the 70's. It was an hour drive one way, so it was nice not to have to listen to mariachi music. You know how much I love mariachi music. (Woulda made me feel right at home I'm sure!) We listened to the Eagles, Mamas and Papas, Steve Miller Band, KC & The Sunshine Band, Journey and Earth Wind and Fire. Jason was impressed that I knew every word to every song, but what can I say? I grew up on this music!

Because I am still nursing, I had to pump on the cruise. Which was not fun. BUT, for the first time in almost 5 months I was able to have dairy! I had so much milk and ice cream in 4 days! We had to plan our days around "pumping times", or as it's called for Jason, "nap times". It actually always worked out perfectly, so it wasn't as annoying as I expected it to be. 

We were so look forward to sleeping in this trip, and I don't think we slept past 8 the entire trip... Ah, the life of parenthood. Although, 8 o'clock felt really good! We also went to bed early all but 1 night. Pretty pathetic I know, but we value our sleep around here. Well I do anyway. 

It was such a fun week with just the two of us. We missed the kids like crazy, but it was a nice relaxing getaway. 

Last week I started watching Grey's Anatomy on Netflix and now I can't stop. I've watched 20 episodes already.

Okay 40.

Alright a season and a half.

Two seasons.

THREE BIG FAT SEASONS IN SEVEN DAYS!

I can't stop it people!

Jason's into it too, so I don't feel so guilty. Remember the sleep that I value so much? Yeah, haven't gotten a lot it the last week. I'll hit my wall eventually. 

I also got to do a maternity shoot this week for one of my friends from gymnastics. It was my first time ever doing one, so it was really fun. Such a cute little baby bump. 

Navy is 5 months old today. I can't believe 5 whole months have gone by already! It's going too fast!

Well I think that catches you up to everything! Camden is down for a nap, so you know what that means. McDreamy here I come!

Never Let Go

I love General Conference. I think my heart grew 3 sizes.

It was so refreshing and exactly what I needed. It was what I needed, but didn't know I needed. I didn't feel like I was in a bad place or anything, there wasn't anything specific I was especially struggling with. It was just a boost to my soul and to my spirit. After conference was over, my heart felt like it was going to burst. I was so full of love and gratitude. I loved Jason more, I loved Camden more and I loved Navy more. I just wanted to be near them. I wanted to hug them and never let go. I could not get close enough. In my heart, I kept saying to Heavenly Father how grateful I was for my life, for the husband and the children He has given me. I felt so blessed, so lucky. I woke up this morning, and I was happy. I was happy to be mother and a wife. Happy to fulfill the responsibilities that go along with that. And then I made it a goal to do what I needed to do to keep this happiness, this heart full of gratitude. I want to always feel this way. 

Since I haven't posted in a while, I thought I'd share some pictures from the last couple months. 

February:

Navy 2 months {Feb 7}

We are putting grass in our front yard to get it ready to sell. We all helped shovel rock and dig up old tree stumps. It's still a work in progress.

March:

Navy 3 months {March 7}

Camden finally got a REAL bike. I had been feeling guilty because he was 4 and still riding a tricycle. We went to the store and had a really hard time getting him to pick one. He got on a few and rode them around the aisles. Of course, they put the bikes near the toys, so he was quite distracted by items on the shelves and crashed into the big $5 movie bins, into the other bikes, and even into some people. He finally chose this one, along with a Transformers helmet.

Easter

Happy Monday! Hope your week is totes awesome.

My violent shove into reality

This is a post script: This post started out as one thing and turned into something completely different. As I sat and typed, I had an epiphany. Because I feel so badly about my attitude and frame of mind, I hesitate to even post it. But I learned an important lesson today and I should share it with you. I hope it makes you stop and say a prayer of gratitude. I know I did.

It has been a while since I posted last but, what else is new? I probably say that at the start of every post. It's my standard introduction. My go to opener if you will. This way, I am relieved of coming up with something clever or witty to say. As long as I wait an appropriate amount of time between posts, my first line is a no brainer. And I seem to be rambling now, so I guess I'll get to the point since I'm assuming it's the reason you've stopped by. 

We have big and exciting things happening for our little family of 4. Well, maybe just one big and exciting thing. I hope you were not expecting bullet points of upcoming major events. 

After two years and hundreds of mariachi karaoke block parties later, we will be leaving house 1256 on 6th avenue. We have secured a lot and have started the process of building a new house. 

And because I feel you deserve bullet points, here's a list of things I will not miss about our first home, the things that make me raise my hands and sing praises when I think about moving:

*During the summer, three fans and a mini swamp cooler in our room do not keep us cool enough to sleep comfortably. When I was pregnant... forget about it.

*Three standing fans, all ceiling fans, a mini swamp cooler, an air conditioner and a window a.c. all running simultaneously and it never gets below 80 degrees. 

*The $350 power bill as a result from previous bullet point. 

*Nothing but water can go down the kitchen sink. And if by accident, something slips by you, it's time to rent a snake from home depot. It also means the bathtub will fill up with bacteria infested drain crud, and that means the bath toys must be bleached.

*When I am washing my hair in the shower, one elbow touching the curtain, the other touching the wall. 

*No dishwasher

Before I can even finish my list, I am overwhelmed with guilt. Look at me, complaining about my first world problems. I just had a serious reality check. I am ashamed of my ungratefulness. Maybe my bullet points should be saved for the things I am grateful for:

*I am grateful for a home that keeps my children warm in the winter and shielded from the summer sun.

*I am grateful for running water and modern plumbing. I don't have to walk 3 miles to get water for drinking, washing and bathing. 

*I am grateful I have a kitchen. I have plates and utensils. I have a stove to cook on and a fridge to keep our food in. At the moment, my fridge contains antibiotics for Navy. I have a sink to wash my dishes in  and water that flows freely from the faucet. 

*I am grateful to have witnessed 3rd world problems with my own eyes because, at times like these, it brings me back to reality.

We really are so lucky. No matter how small or inefficient our home may be. We are not only lucky to have place to live, we are lucky that our children are well fed and well dressed. 

Our children have shoes!

Our children have doctors and can get antibiotics when they have infections. We have doctors who can safely deliver our babies. They have the knowledge and the tools to save the babies and save the mothers if complications arise. We have formula if we are unable to breastfeed. We have the OPTION to not breastfeed. 

Our children have toothbrushes. Our children get to go to school. Our children get to learn how to read. 

Our homes have carpet and tile. We have couches to sit on and beds to sleep in. We have blankets on those beds. Our homes have air conditioners and heaters. They have electricity.

Our children ride their bikes on the sidewalk. We have sidewalks! We have parks where they can play. We have cars to get us there. We have grocery stores. We don't have to spend hours in our gardens with our babies strapped to our backs. 

We have unlimited water. We don't have to wash our clothes in the river. Our children don't have to bathe in it.

I could go on and on really, but I am humbled this tender mercy I have received today. Yes, I will have a dishwasher and an energy efficient home, but there are millions of other reasons to raise my hands and sing praises.