It's been a while since I've blogged, and I'd probably blog more, but to be honest my pictures take so dang long to upload and let's face it, I just don't have the patience. The past two months have been busy ones; with a Utah wedding, our honeymoon, our wedding reception, two wedding videos, and a trip to San Diego. October is going to be a busy month as well it seems. I'm judging every weekend this month (Saturday AND Sunday). Plus, I start my new job this week, which I'm excited about. Ill be dental assisting on Wednesdays.
Camden goes with his dad on Wednesdays, so I'm left home alone, which I hate. Don't get me wrong, it's totally great, for about 3 hours. But once I'm done with my errands, housework, and anything else I need to get done, I'm left feeling pretty anxious. Whenever Camden is not with me, I feel so out of control. Yes, I know this is the path I chose. It has been hard dealing with an ex-spouse and juggling Camden back and forth. But it was so much harder before and I know that this is a better life. Easier is some ways, harder in others, but definitely better. I worry about Camden pretty much ALL the time. I worry about my choices and how they are effecting him now and how they will effect him later in life. Will he resent me? Will he resent Jason? Will he have emotional instability or behavioral problems because he comes from a "broken home"? Will he be mad at me for choosing to divorce his father? Camden is my responsibility. He is a precious gift from Heavenly Father, who has chosen ME to care for him in his earthly life. Am I selfish for choosing my happiness over his? I know that getting a divorce was the right decision. A still small whispered it to me. And I look back at my life since I made that choice and yes it has been difficult, but I can't deny the amazing blessings I have received. I am sure that my father in heaven would not bless me with such wonderful things if I was doing things contrary to His will. This is the right path. But that doesn't mean I don't feel selfish sometimes. It doesn't mean that I don't worry about Camden's future. But, I have to stop and remind myself: If I am doing what I'm supposed to be doing, I have to have faith that He will take care of Camden. I have to. It's the only way I can keep myself sane.
I am grateful for the hard experiences I've had in my life. They have humbled me. I have learned from them. I have grown from them. And because of the things I went through in my first marriage, I am exponentially more grateful for Jason and the amazing person and husband and father he is. Little things I may have taken for granted had I not been previously married are things that I appreciate more than anything. He is great. Life is great.
Since I no longer have Wednesdays "off", I guess I can no longer save my housework and errands until then. I have a long list of things to get done today so I'm gonna get to it. Utah, Honeymoon, reception, and California pictures to come! Wow, I have A LOT of catching up to do!!
