Post script note...

After I posted Navy's birth story a couple days ago, I started to think about how I probably sounded pretty negative about having to have a c-section. And yes, I will admit, I did not have a good attitude about it in the weeks before her delivery and even in the moment, but since having her, I have guilt for my ungratefulness.

A few months ago, Camden was enrolled in a painting class through the city of Tempe. Parents were not allowed to leave the premises, but not invited into the class, so the moms would sit outside the classroom together and chat about motherhood, housework, homeschooling, husbands, etc... I usually sat on the other side of the room and read a book or filled in my calendar for the week. On one particular day, the topic of pregnancy arose. A certain mom, with only one child, mentioned she had a difficult time getting her little girl and had not had any success with getting pregnant since. It was obvious it was a big cross for her to bear. Then she said, "I hate it when girls complain about pregnancy, whether it be their awful morning sickness or any other not fun things that come with being pregnant. I wish they knew how lucky they were. I'd give anything to have morning sickness and water retention!"

I sat quietly and thought about my awful attitude and made a resolve to think of  my pregnancy, a healthy one at that, as a blessing. The beginning of my pregnancy was awful because of my ulcers, but my life, nor the baby's, was ever in jeopardy. There was never any danger of miscarriage or pre-term labor. There are those who are not so lucky.

In October, Jason's sister Jill delivered her baby 16 weeks early and after only 48 hours, he passed away. It was a difficult time for the family and because I was also pregnant at the time, I felt guilty for having a healthy pregnancy. When tiny baby Samson was still in the NICU, I kept worrying about the idea of being able to take Navy home when sweet Jill would not be able to do the same, since her baby would likely still be in the hospital. I worried about if he did not make it, how it would make Jill feel to see my pregnancy progress, and how she would feel when Navy finally did arrive. I look back at how much I complained about my pregnancy and wish I could have just stopped and realized how blessed I was. I am sorry for my attitude. 

I am sad so say, that the resolve I made that day during Camden's class, did not last. I complained... a lot. I should have been better about seeing the good. Navy is now a month old, and my bad attitude about the delivery has now turned to gratitude to my Heavenly Father for blessing me with a healthy, full term baby, and the knowledge that it does not, nor will it ever, matter how she came to this world...

She is here. Strong and beautiful.

Navy's here!

I am really a bum. I have not posted since July! That is both ridiculous and pathetic. You could say life has been eventful for our little family the last few months, welcoming a new baby and all. For those of you who care to know, I will share Navy bean's birth story...

So... on December 6th, I went to the gym in the morning and jumped up and down in the pool for about 45 minutes and then went home and took some castor oil. Yes, I was that desperate to get her out! Most of you know how I feel about pregnancy. It is torture for me. I absolutely hate it. There is no part of it that I enjoy. Get what I mean? So anyway, after you know, the... "effects" from the castor oil had worn off I started having what I thought were contractions. They were not regular nor painful. It was about 5 p.m. when I realized these were probably real contractions, but I didn't want to say it out loud for fear of jinxing it. So I bounced on my yoga ball hoping to intensify things and tried not to think too much about it. (Yeah right) Jason went to bed around 9:30 and I stayed up and bounced on my ball and watched Friends. I called my doctor at ten and told him my contractions were about 5 minutes apart and I'd been having them for five hours, but that they weren't too terribly painful. I could still walk and talk through them. He told me to wait an hour too see if they intensified and if they did, to go to the hospital. So I kept on bouncin'! I watched an episode of Elementary and pretty much had one hard contraction the entire 40 minutes. It was starting to hurt. So at 11:30 I woke up Jason and told him it was time to go to the hospital. Do you know long I had waited to say those words?!?! Jason was pretty surprised since he had no idea I had been having contractions. We drove Camden to my sister's and headed to the hospital.

We checked in to triage at 11:59 and when they checked me I was only 3 cm dialated, but having good strong regular contractions. They kept me in triage for an hour to see if I would progress any before they would admit me. After an hour, I was 4 cm and I was admitted. By this time, I was having horrible back labor and ordered my epidural almost the minute I got to my labor and delivery room. I don't remember what time I got my epidural, maybe around 2 or 2:30 a.m? Then I took a nap! Dr. Holmes came and checked me around 10-ish and I was only a 5. So he broke my water and in an hour, I was at an 8. Around 11:30 the nurse came in and told our Navy girl was not doing well at all and things were not looking good as far as being able to having a natural delivery. Dr. Holmes came in and told me that Navy's heart rate was dropping dangerously low AFTER my contractions, which is very concerning. He was confident that a C-section was the best option. In addition to Navy being in distress, she was not descending because my pelvis is too narrow. He said even if she was doing okay, my pelvis was not wide enough for her to fit through anyway. I was really upset. I had been so anxious the previous weeks about having a c-section because I did not want to miss the moment of her being put on my chest when she came out and being able to hold her first. I had been measuring 3-4 weeks bigger the last few months of my pregnancy and was so worried that she would be too big for me. I had Camden naturally, but I pushed for 4 hours and because my pelvis is narrow, he barely made it. After I had time to process everything, I knew I had no choice. This was the way she was going to come in the world, and there was nothing I could do about it.

After waiting for anesthesia to come talk to me, they wheeled me into the operating room and after they let Jason in the room, she was out about 3 minutes later. Hearing her cry was the best sound in the whole world. I was sad I didn't get to hold her, but happy that she was safe and healthy. After Jason went out with her, I started to feel the anesthesia up in my throat and face. I could not swallow because my throat was numb and my eyes started to feel numb. It was so uncomfortable that I guess I started to panic, so the anesthesiologist sedated me. I woke up in the recovery room, but don't remember much. It took me a couple hours to be completely coherent that I even don't really remember holding Navy for the first time.

Navy girl was born at 12:58 p.m. on December 7th and weighted 7 lbs 8 oz. Navy was born on Pearl Harbor Day which everyone, doctor and nurses included, thought that was very cool. Which it is.

It was not the delivery I would have chosen, but when anatomy isn't on your side, what can you do? I am still sad that I missed that moment of holding her first and even sad that I don't really remember holding her after I woke up, but I get to hold her all day now, so I guess it's okay.

Not thrilled about the situation. Can you tell?

Meeting my daughter for the first time. She was perfect.

First time holding her. Don't remember taking this picture. But I sure look great don't I?? 

Big brother Camden meeting baby Navy. He is still just as obsessed with her today as he was then.

First family picture. Can you believe I have two kids?!

I am still trying to adjust to these two, and trying to balance both their needs as well as my husband's. Along with laundry, dishes, housework, planning meals and grocery shopping, trying to remember to plan FHE, do my visiting teaching and responsibilities for my church calling, and finding time to shower. I am overwhelmed a lot and Camden has started the "older sibling acting out when younger sibling comes into the picture" It's been a tough week for us... we've had a few fights, and even though we always make up, it's often several times a day. {insert giant exhale here}

We are so happy to finally have Navy here and we already love her so much. And life is ALWAYS great when I am not pregnant!