Post script note...

After I posted Navy's birth story a couple days ago, I started to think about how I probably sounded pretty negative about having to have a c-section. And yes, I will admit, I did not have a good attitude about it in the weeks before her delivery and even in the moment, but since having her, I have guilt for my ungratefulness.

A few months ago, Camden was enrolled in a painting class through the city of Tempe. Parents were not allowed to leave the premises, but not invited into the class, so the moms would sit outside the classroom together and chat about motherhood, housework, homeschooling, husbands, etc... I usually sat on the other side of the room and read a book or filled in my calendar for the week. On one particular day, the topic of pregnancy arose. A certain mom, with only one child, mentioned she had a difficult time getting her little girl and had not had any success with getting pregnant since. It was obvious it was a big cross for her to bear. Then she said, "I hate it when girls complain about pregnancy, whether it be their awful morning sickness or any other not fun things that come with being pregnant. I wish they knew how lucky they were. I'd give anything to have morning sickness and water retention!"

I sat quietly and thought about my awful attitude and made a resolve to think of  my pregnancy, a healthy one at that, as a blessing. The beginning of my pregnancy was awful because of my ulcers, but my life, nor the baby's, was ever in jeopardy. There was never any danger of miscarriage or pre-term labor. There are those who are not so lucky.

In October, Jason's sister Jill delivered her baby 16 weeks early and after only 48 hours, he passed away. It was a difficult time for the family and because I was also pregnant at the time, I felt guilty for having a healthy pregnancy. When tiny baby Samson was still in the NICU, I kept worrying about the idea of being able to take Navy home when sweet Jill would not be able to do the same, since her baby would likely still be in the hospital. I worried about if he did not make it, how it would make Jill feel to see my pregnancy progress, and how she would feel when Navy finally did arrive. I look back at how much I complained about my pregnancy and wish I could have just stopped and realized how blessed I was. I am sorry for my attitude. 

I am sad so say, that the resolve I made that day during Camden's class, did not last. I complained... a lot. I should have been better about seeing the good. Navy is now a month old, and my bad attitude about the delivery has now turned to gratitude to my Heavenly Father for blessing me with a healthy, full term baby, and the knowledge that it does not, nor will it ever, matter how she came to this world...

She is here. Strong and beautiful.