Sunday Sads

It's a thing you know.

The Sunday sads.

I've had them since I was young. 

I remember often feeling sick on Sunday nights.

My parents thought I was just faking a stomach ache so I wouldn't have to go to school the next day.

Maybe that was part of it. 

But mostly I just felt like crying.

And I never knew why.

The Sunday sads still visit,

although not as frequently.

Yesterday though, they were in full force.

I felt weepy all day.

As I sat and watched the afternoon session,

Jason's arms around me,

Camden snuggled into my side sleeping,

the love and happiness was almost too much,

my heart physically ached.

I wanted to freeze time.

Tomorrow, I thought,

things go back to normal.

J back to work and school.

Camden back to school.

I'm back to the gym, dishes, laundry, grocery shopping, meal preparation.

I didn't want life to start again.

I just wanted to be as close as I could to the three people I adore so much.

I don't think I left Jason's side all day.

I didn't want to be alone.

See,

the Sunday sads are a tricky thing.

Life feels so beautiful and so full of blessings,

the joy I feel is so overwhelming that I'm on the verge of tears all day.

But that joy brings sadness.

Sadness that things will change.

Tomorrow, it's back to real life.

The weekly routines and demands give us few moments together.

But even more than that,

Kids will grow.

Their innocence will be lost.

And soon,

medical school will begin and time with my best friend will be rare.

The combination of love and sadness brought a lump in my throat that I could not shake yesterday.

I could not get close enough.

I could not get enough time.

Today, the Sunday sads have not left.

The lump still remains.

As I attempt to make it through my list of to-do's, 

I find myself missing the two boys not here with me.

Like sorely missing them,

And not wanting to go to work tonight because of time lost with them and with Navy.

I have thought a lot about my Sunday sads.

I've wondered what makes them come?

It is anxiety?

Is it hormonal?

Yesterday, watching General Conference I think I figured it out.

It is the overwhelming presence of the Spirit,

helping me to feel a glimpse of Christ-like love.

Because of the tender feelings I had yesterday,

I was more kind.

More loving.

More willing to serve.

More patient.

More soft spoken.

With a bigger resolve to be better.

A better mom and wife especially.

The last few months have been difficult for me.

I haven't felt like myself.

Mood swings have made me feel like I'm going crazy.

It has caused contention.

And a lot of tears.

I have felt unbalanced and even made an appointment to seek medical advice.

But as I listened to the prophet and his apostles speak,

I solved my own problem.

Have I tried prayer?

Have I asked Heavenly Father to help me?

Have I prayed for more patience?

Have I prayed for guidance?

Have I been doing things to invite the Spirit into my heart?

The motivation, the love,

the joy I was feeling could be felt often if I did.

And those feelings could make me someone my children and husband wanted to be around.

I could be happier.

I could be loving.

I could be kind.

I could be patient.

I could willingly serve.

I could be better.

Recognizing this tender mercy brings so much gratitude,

and again,

a lump in my throat.