Bravery

Yesterday my mom text my sister and me a picture.

Of a pile of hair.

Her hair.

After her morning shower.

It was time.

She told Brittany today would be the day.

I knew I wanted to be there,

but with a sick kid home from school, I wasn't sure I would be able to.

Luckily, I have an amazing mother in law who offered to watch him so I could go.

We loaded up and headed East.

When I got there and saw her, 

hair noticeably thinner,

patches of scalp now showing,

my heart ached.

She is sick and this was going to be our violent shove into reality.

Family came to support.

Her mother,

nieces,

daughters,

and husband. 

We stood around her as she sat down and covered her face with a towel.

My sister put the razor to her head a few times,

then backed away,

tears running down her cheeks.

"It's okay" my mom said noticing her hesitation.

And so she began. 

Little by little,

hair fell to the floor.

My mother cried into the towel.

Brittany cried as she dropped hair into a pile on the floor.

And I cried behind the lens of my camera.

Apart from sniffles and the sound of the razor, the room was quiet.

And reverent.

And then it was done.

She uncovered her face and smiled.

Sympathetically as if to say she was sorry.

She was still beautiful.

We hugged.

We cried.

We smiled.

And then we tied a scarf on her head and made bread.

Gratitude Monday Tuesday

A day late again.

Oh well.

Yesterday was a pretty great day.

And easy for my heart to be filled with gratitude.

Prayers were answered yesterday.

Temple promptings were confirmed.

And so today, I am grateful for the temple.

About four and half years ago, I lived only 5 minutes from the Gila Valley Temple.

It was a defining time of my life.

Decisions needed to be made.

Big decisions.

Life altering decisions.

And not just life altering for me,

life altering for a two year old Camden as well.

With a built in babysitter,

I had the opportunity to attend the temple a lot.

I spent hours in the celestial room.

Crying.

Praying.

Begging for answers.

For direction.

And though big promptings were never felt,

peace was.

Comfort was.

And though resounding answers never came,

love did.

Humility did.

Several months ago as I struggled with a question,

frustration and doubt filled my heart.

After one particularly hard morning, I decided to go to the temple.

In the celestial room I cried.

And prayed.

And listened.

And this time, the answer did come.

A simple one word answer.

I drove home feeling such gratitude for a Heavenly Father who listened to me,

comforted me,

answered me.

Over the course of the next few months, 

I had to rely on faith.

Faith on what I felt in the temple.

The answer I felt in my heart.

Doubts came and I wondered if I really did hear what I heard.

Maybe it was just my mind telling myself what I wanted to hear.

But I patiently waited.

And yesterday, that one word answer was confirmed.

I thought about my experience in the temple that day.

I thought about the faith that was required of me.

I thought about how blessed I am to have a place I can go where the veil of this life is a little thinner and my Heavenly Father and Savior are a little closer.

Where peace,

and hope,

and love abound.

And my soul can rest.