Jason & Stacey

     We have been getting ready to list our house this week. Cleaning out closets and de-cluttering. During such de-cluttering, I came across my old journal. Yikes. I opened it and only read about one paragraph before I started to cry. It makes me so sad to think I ever felt the way I did. I filled this journal, cover to cover, full of pain and sadness and hopelessness. I know most of you have probably heard me say this many times, so you;re probably sick of my divorce sob story, but it is good for me to go back and remember this. It makes me realize how strong I really was. How close to the Lord I really was. Even though it didn't feel that way in the moment.

    I was going to write down some things, some words and phrases that really stuck out to me, but then I felt like I was being a Jonny Raincloud. So I will skip to the end. 

   After reading most of my journal, and completely ignoring my chore-list, I turned to the end, curious to see how my painful journey closed. 

    My heart was happy when I saw it ended with Jason. Of course it did. Because he is my happy ending. Or my happy beginning I guess I should say. My last sentence, the final chapter of my two and half year emotional hell?
 "I was so happy. I couldn't believe he said it, but at the same time, I totally think this could really happen for us. Life is great again!"

And life continues to be great.

And you might be sick of me blogging about how lucky I feel to have him, but when I realize

how dark and deep my wounds were a few years ago, when I remember feeling completely buried by them, I remember the blessing he is. The answer to a 3 year plea with my Heavenly Father. Reading the raw emotions of my broken heart helps me count my many blessings.

      The scare we had with my sister, when we thought there was a chance we could lose her, made me think about my brother in law and what he would do without her. I don't think he would be able to come back from something like that. It made me think about Jason. What I would do without him. I thought about how I would never find someone that could be my best friend the way he is. No one I could talk with the way we talk. 

No one that would play and laugh the way we do:

Last night, we found a pee-pee diaper under our bed. Right in the middle, so neither of us could reach it. Jason's solution? I would slide under the bed and get it. When I assured him I would not fit under the bed, he grabbed me and lay me down on the hard wood floor next to the bed to show that I, indeed, could fit! I rarely... okay never, sweep under the bed so the floor is covered with dust bunnies. I knew I could fit, I just didn't want to get dirty. I tried to act as big as I could, straining to fit under the bed, pretending it was going to be impossible. We laughed as he rolled me over to my back, grabbed me by the ankles and proceeded to try and slide me under the bed. I protested a little, but then figured I was going to have to be the one to retrieve this diaper, so I may as well have Jason do all the work. After sliding me under, he slid me side to side to take care of the above mentioned bunnies of dust. At least I didn't have to sweep?

This is what we do. We play. We laugh. We have fun sliding each other on the floor to clean under our bed. This is my life and I wouldn't want it any other way.