Believing It

Remember last post when I wanted 4:30 Camden?

Remember when I wanted tantrums?

{Insert sigh here}

Honestly.

Camden and I have been at odds lately.

Since he got home basically.

His life has changed a lot in the last couple of months.

He's adjusting.

(At least, that's what I keep telling myself)

We moved into Jason's parents' house.

His toys are packed.

He has 6 parents here instead of just 2.

His dad got married and moved to a new house.

Then his dad's wife moved out.

That's a lot of adjustments for a four year old.

It would be a lot of adjustment for an adult!

I have been having some serious inner conflict trying to understand how to handle all of this patiently and sympathetically without letting him get away with things he shouldn't,

how to apply the appropriate amount of punishment,

how to get him out of this funk he's in,

how to get my happy Camden back.

I'm sure things like this take time, but we are in for more big adjustments just around the corner.

He starts a new school next week.

We will be moving in a couple of months

His dad is moving again (and who knows what kind of surprises are in store in the future with him!)

I try, I really do.

I try to be patient and talk kindly. 

I try to give him choices, I try to spend time with him.

Nothing seems to be helping and I was on the verge of tears after one very long day last week. and called Jason to tell him Navy is our last and final child. I would NOT be doing this stage of life 3,4,5 more times.

It's exhausting and by 2:30, I just want to give up. And cry.

Navy is teething and is up ALL night.

This is,of course, also exhausting.

I do not remember this stage with Camden.

He woke up one morning with two little teeth. That was it.

No crying. No fevers. No runny noses. No 40 minute naps or 3 hour crying sessions at 1 a.m.

{Insert sigh here}

I know what you're thinking...

"Okay Johnny Raincloud!"

or

"Geez Debbie Downer"

or maybe

"First.World.Problems"

And you would be right.

I'm sure the blogging world does not want to hear about how naughty my 4 year old is.

Or how I'm so tired because my 8 month old is fussy.

Or that I'm breaking out and I hate my haircut.

(Oh did I not mention that?)

But doesn't it seem like others in blog and especially pinterest-land have it so together?

Now, I am sure they do not. 

I'm sure they have naughty toddlers and restless babies.

I'm sure they get zits and have bad hair days.

But of course, we only see the best of things on pinterest.

We compare the worst of us to the best of "them"

"THEM"

We don't even know these women and yet we let their achievements and talents dictate how we view ourselves.

Do you think our moms had this kind of pressure when they were raising us?

I don't think so. 

Because there were no blogs.

There was no facebook.

No pinterest.

These days, we feel so much pressure to be "super moms"

To run marathons and do crossfit.

To be a photographer.

To make our own organic baby food.

To plan elaborate birthday parties with handmade favors and decorations.

To be fashionable.

To plan daily learning activities for our children.

To home school our children.

To sew our daughter's dresses and our son's bow ties.

To prepare freezer meals once a week.

To make our house look Pottery Barn catalog worthy.

To keep our house clean all the time.

Honestly. It's exhausting. {insert sigh here}

And unfair because there are probably only a handful of women that do ALL these things. 

But when we don't do them, we feel like a failure as a wife and mother.

 And don't these comparisons usually seem to happen on days/weeks/months when we are feeling particularly low in self esteem? 

You start thinking one negative thing about yourself,

something you didn't do,

how you look,

how much you weigh,

how you lost your patience,

and then it just snowballs.

One negative thought leads to another that leads to another and you end up feeling worse.

I have struggled with that the past couple weeks.

I feel inadequate.

This morning I made a promise to myself to stop those negative thoughts today.

To replace a negative thought or feeling with a positive one.

To remember a blessing from my Heavenly Father.

I prayed that I would see myself the way He sees me.

I prayed that He would help me remember my divine potential.

His purpose for me.

There are so many things I wish I was.

Things I wish I did.

I wish I was noteworthy.

But I am trying to remember what I bring to the table.

Why am I important to His plan?

I know I am of worth but sometimes I just need help believing it.